What guidelines and expectations should i have for the father of my child when it comes to visitation?

You need to go through the courts for this. That way he can not violate anything. Ask for supervised visits for 3 months then revisit it. But I will say this the part about not calling the other parents spouse mom and dad is not up to you. The child and the Step parent are only ones who have a say in that. A child calling Step-parent mom and dad will not hurt their relationship with the other parents at all. The no Alcohol in 48 hours is not your say either unless he abuses drinking. Also I suggest having clothes at both families home as it saves on worrying if you packed enough things.